starting to miss him .even baru smlm and pagi td jpe ,now i begin to miss him even more . ;(

late night movie ,craving accomplished for nasi lemak pj ,done buying all those stuffs for studio project ,done taking pics for my project and give me the opportunity having such a great night and day .i have no words to describe how i grateful to have you in my life .

still hoping we can meet up everyday like the time we were in pasum .haihhhh .still cant move on when talking bout pasum .how i miss my life in pasum .how i miss my classmate in pasum .how i miss the food in pasum .how i miss the view of tasik kk12 from my room .how i miss everything in pasum .hahaha haha ha ha .talking bout pasum never fail to make me cry .

hoping to have better life in uitm just bcs i want to move on with everything i had in pasum .but my hope fade day by day .the very high expectation to have better life in uitm was killing myself slowly actually .bcs the very high expectation ,i started to hate everything around me .the one and only reason which make me stay here is "ALLAH have a better plan for me" .yakin yang ALLAH dh tetap kan rezeki aku dkt sini ,in shaa ALLAH everything will be fine .

mental breakdown .

not happy with my life and the environment .not happy with myself .makan banyak mana pun still berat makin hari makin kurang .haha im wondering ble la nk gemuk mcm dkt pasum dulu .ble la nk happy mcm dkt pasum dulu .i think i have to make myself redha so i'll be happy and after that my weight will gain .hmmm hypotesis accepted .hahaha bello .

last night movie : the maze runner .superb k cter nya .one of the movie yg patut masuk list of "wajib tgk" la aku rasa .hahaha .thanks my love for suggested me the movie .thumbs up !!hehe .happy gler la dpt spend time together .hehe . *senyum nampak gigi*

pastu hariz plak menggedik terlebih dgn faiz .eeee tah pape btol .selalu nya nangis kalau naik kete kalau mak tk ikut sekali ,tp tetiba naik kete faiz td boleh plak gelak2 .mentang2 la dpt ice cream free terus tersengih je bdk kecik tu .pastu yg paling and paling and paling tak puas hati ,boleh plak hariz tersengih smpai nmpk gigi ble ambik gmba dgn faiz .semua gmba plak tu hariz senyum .huhhh kalau ambik gmba dgn aku ,nk senyum tu pnya la payah ,kdg2 nk pndg camera pun tknk .eeeeeeee serious hariz gedik tau tak ! hish .

finally im home .yeayyyy happy nya .nak lompat2 sbb happy tapi tk larat nk lompat sbb penat sgt .even nk jalan pun dh tak larat ni nk lompat2 plak .hahaha .5 hari yg paling seksa aku rasa .19 tahun hidup tk prnh rasa seksa mcm ni ,dgn penat nya ,dgn sakit hati ,dgn kne tahan sabar ,dgn kne tahan diri drpd mencarut ,dgn kne tahan diri drpd mengumpat ,dgn kne sedar kan diri byk kn sabar .haihhhh semua nya sbb orientasi .ya ALLAH orientasi ni mmg betul2 cabar kesabaran diri betul .

first day boleh lg sabar ,2nd day pun boleh paksa diri sabar .but masuk 3rd day nk sabar tp badan sndiri dh rebel suruh rehat .mana tak nya ,masuk bilik pkul 2pagi ,dgn tk mandi satu hari suntuk ,tk blh naik bilik ,tk boleh rehat lngsng pastu pkul 4.30pagi dh kne bangun .tapi tk prnh pun bngun 4.30pagi tu ,mst terlajak smpai azan subuh baru terjge .hahaha .pastu rushing nak mati bersiap turun dgn mamai nya lagi smpai nk jatuh tngga .hari2 kne mendaki tngga smpai ke floor 5 ,pastu daki tngga lagi smpai floor 7 nk pegi dewan .turun naik turun naik tngga smpai rasa nk pengsan time tu jgk .
3rd day tu ,serious tk tahan dh .nk diri pun dh mengigil pastu nmpk semua bnde melayang berpusing2 je .nangis nk balik je time tu .dh rasa nk melutut merayu je dkt fasi2 tu bg rehat kjp .tp rse mcm tk function je merayu dkt diaorg tu .at last nnt kne tengking pastu kne marah ada la .so better tabah kan diri jgn manja sgt .haihhhhhhhh .

dh siap packing nk pindah kolej .tp tetiba dpt tau kne stay kolej mawar .kolej yg jauh gler drpd fakulti .and kolej yg tkde lif even 5 tingkat pun .mental breakdown gler time tu .time2 tu jgk menangis sbb apa dosa aku dkt diorg smpai nasib malang mcm tu sekali .masuk bilik terus nangis sbb mental breakdown and penat gler nk mampos tahap cipan .fikir nk balik je time tu .

dh habis orientasi ingt kan boleh la happy sikit even penat tk habis lg .tapi ..hmmm tkpe la .Allah bg dugaan tu nk tgk kau boleh sabar ke tak wahai hamizatul .smile pls . :) mental breakdown pun tk habis lg ni .tambah lg dgn tk lama lg comfirm hormon unstable .so hami ,kau kne double triple tabah kn hati okay ?senyum pls even it is a fake smile :))

okay lupa kan semua tu .kne get ready mental and physical nk hadap isnin nnt .nak bermarathon daki bukit pegi fakulti kan .so get enough rest okay hamizatul .forget everything and smile .really need to escape from the world even just for awhile .
boleh tak nk disappeared pastu ble dh okay baru muncul balik ?boleh tak nak tido tk bangun2 pastu ble everything went well baru bangun balik ?boleh tak ?hmmm kbye

last night before masuk U .boleh tak nak nangis ?boleh tak ?hmmmmmm .
mcm tk percaya kan esok pagi dh kne daftar utk degree .rasa mcm baru je habis pasum .mcm baru je feeling merdeka sbb dh hbis final exam .rasa mcm baru skjp je happy2 ambik gamba dgn diaorg semua dkt exam hall .hmmmm .esok masing2 dh start busy .sedih nya .half classmate dapat UM and ....... of course la terkilan sikit sbb tk dpt further degree dkt the best university kan .tapi tkpe la .dh bukan rezeki dkt situ . :)

last minute packing and for sure akan ada bnde yg tak kena .and yeah satu botol febrese tumpah .rasa mcm sia-sia sgt beli tapi tk sempat guna dh tumpah dkt lantai .melayang duit mcm tu je .hmmm tkpe hami ,bukan rezeki kau nk gne febrese tu .sabar yee .malas nk bising mengamuk ,better diam je .dh nmpk aku letak botol febrese tu dkt situ ,nk jgk lalu dkt situ .mmg la tersepak .haihhhh .

not ready yet for tomorrow :( boleh tk postpone lagi seminggu ?nk spend time lg dkt rumah :( takut dpt roommate yg tk semenggah .pengotor ke apa ke .ya ALLAH takut nya .nak nangis la mcm ni !!!!!! haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa pls nk nangis sbb takut sgt . :(

bosan tktau nk buat apa lagi .barang semua dh siap packing .and a big clap for myself sbb mcm tk percaya plak sehari je blh siap packing .hohoho .faiz kesayangan tgh layan bola ,fav team dia plak tu yg main ,so tk blh kacau okay .no no no ,jgn kacau focus dia tgk bola .so laptop jela teman kan saya mlm ni eh :) after ni kne tinggal laptop dkt rumah ,so kte berjimba berdua okay mlm ni :)

no more laptop .no more katil yg best .no more bilik sendiri .no more wifi rumah yg laju nak mati .no more main dgn hariz .no more makanan yg sedap .haihhhh .serious nk nangis .

one more day to go ..
and im not ready yet .not at all .tkde satu pun brg yg dh masuk dlm luggage . 'last minute person' yeahh thats totally me .and i am sure tomorrow will be one of the hardest day in my life : stress barang tktau letak dkt mana ,ada je barang yg blm beli lg ,pastu time tu la baru teringat ada bnde yg blm settle lg .haihhhh .but pagi td dh re-check semua borang and semua dh settle just blm ambik gmba pasport je lagi .pastu baju2 semua dh keluar kn dr almari just tnggal iron and lipat dlm luggage .yg aku pening skrg ni mana pegi tudung2 aku ?!time dkt pasum ,almost 30 helai tudung and skrg aku jpe tk smpai 10 helai pun .haaaaaa kemana menghilang tudung ni ?haihhhh .

haihhhhhh .overthinking .and i hate this feeling .tktau nk explain macam mana .hmmmm salah aku kot .it is okay ,its always my fault .my bad .

there ain't no guarantee
but i take a chance on we
baby let's take our time
and when the times get rough
there ain't no giving up
cause it just feels so right
dont care what others say
if i got you ,im straight
you bring my heart to life

mode : repeat song shower//becky g and full volume .dh pening punya pasal ,malas nk ambik peduli surrounding .dgr lagu lg bagus .hmmmm .esok nk kne settle kan semua .so kne bangun awal okay .no more bngun after 10 lagi dh .hohoho . chin up and smile pls :)

#np shower // becky g

think of you when i am going to bed

when i wake up ,think of you again

you're my homie ,lover and friend

exactly why 

you light me up inside 

like the 4th of july

whenever you're around

i always seem to smile

and people ask me how 

well you're the reason why i'm

dancing in the mirror

and singing in the shower

karaoke jap .haha .mohon tak hujan ribut mlm ni sbb suara tk sedap .hahahahaha .dedicate the lyric for my one and only muhamad faiz bin mahfudz :)) hehe .

6 months passed and 2 more days : 7 months !! hahaha .asal rasa mcm skjp je ?dh la kelmarin buat suprise yg blh buat org sakit jantung .ada ke patut tetiba wassap ajak keluar pastu kata dh otw nk ambik dkt rumah .dah la time tu tgh lipat kain ,tk mandi lg ,pastu nk loading information tetiba ajak keluar ,blur ya amat time tu .tk boleh nk fikir jap .yela mlm nya tu elok je wassap pastu plan nk dtg shah alam weekend ,tetiba pagi tu wassap kata dh ada dkt sini . kelam kabut carik baju .haihhh nasib baik sayang ,kalau tk sayang dh lama kne tumbuk buat org kabut mcm tu .hahahaahahaha .tapi happy gler sbb dh la tgh rindu pastu tetiba dh muncul depan mata .hahaahaha .nk jerit pls sbb happy sgt !!!!hahahahahaha

20082014-22082014

the best three days of vacation i ever had . *bright smile* hehehe

first time naik bus express .hahaha .kesian kan dh 19 tahun hidup ni baru dpt merasa naik bus express ,itupun setakat pegi sabak bernam yg dekat tu je .hahaha .cuak jgk la pagi tu sbb tktau nk tnya spe pastu takut salah naik bus .haha tapi nasib baik driver bus tu baik ,siap tnjuk tmpt ddk aku dkt mana lg pastu siap ckp "jgn takut ,bus ni slmt" .kahkahkah !! driver bus tu nmpk sgt kot muka aku takut nk naik .hahahaha .

pastu turun dkt sabak bernam .aku imagine turun la dkt bus stop ke apa ke ,tapi dia stop dkt depan 99 speedmart tu haaa .takut tahu ,dah la sorg2 ,pmpuan plak tu ,pastu tk prnh lg jejak kaki dkt tmpt tu .mmg la kg sndiri dkt sungai besar tu je ,setakat 15minit je nk pegi ke sabak bernam tu .tapi aku tk prnh la lg smpai ke pekan sabak bernam tu ,so ble 1st time jejak kaki dkt situ ,pastu sorg2 plak tu ,hmmm takut jgk la .hahaha .
tu la ,buat lg keje gler .sanggup pegi sorg2 semata nk jpe faiz .haaaa kn dh terkontang-kanting sorg2 dkt pekan sabak bernam tu .alhamdulillah faiz smpai cpt ,kalau lmbt mmg aku dh mati kutu haaa sorg2 dkt situ tktau nk buat apa .hahahaha k dh mengarut .

time faiz dtg tu ,rasa mcm nk melompat pastu terus peluk dia je .aaaaaaaaaaaa rindu gler sgt2 ya amat okay .hahahaahah .pastu dia bwk pegi lunch pastu jalan2 .haaa tu jela .tktau nk cter details mcm mana .hahaha .
second day plak ,pegi BNO !!! yeayyyyy .tercapai jgk la plan nk pegi BNO dgn faiz .hahaha .hmmm plan nya kan nk pegi pangkor sama2 tapi last minute cancel .so tkpe la ,BNO pun pantai jgk kan .hahaha .

seronok smpai tknk balik .dh 3rd day pun rasa mcm malas gler nk balik .hmmmm kalau tk sbb esok nya tu kne pegi kedah ,dh stay kg seminggu dah tau tak .hahaha .tkpe la hami ,tnggu cuti sem nnt okay .stay la lama2 dkt kg tu .sng cter bermastautin terus dkt kg tu haa .sng sikit nk jpe selalu kan .hahahaah .

faiz mahfudz ,thanks sbb jd my tourist guide .hehehehe .thanks for everything :)))

assalamualaikum .

haihhhh .hari ni baru la rasa mcm tenang sikit .since dpt tau result upu ,serabut nya kemain .smpai rasa mcm depression tahap nak mati la .tak boleh tido lngsng ,nangis smpai semua urat dkt muka ni rasa sakit ,bngun pagi rasa nk mengamuk dkt semua org ,sambung tido smpai ke tgh hari .haha .teruk btol hamizatul oiii .ish3 *geleng kepala* haha .

3 weeks more nk study balik .excited ,takut ,nervous ,happy ,sedih .semua la aku rasa skrg ni .boleh tak nk masuk terus bljr .taknak orientasi .19 tahun hidup ,tk prnh nmpk pun advantage ada orientasi week ni .tak bg impact pape pun ,penat ada la .haihhhh .dh la tk buat research pape pasal course yg aku dpt ni ,sbb tk expect pun dpt .tapi it is okay ,boleh tnya tika .hohoho .nmpk tak advantage dpt sama course dgn kakak sndiri .papehal blh ah tnya dia .hehe .

mnggu ni kne settle kn semua bnde sbb next week nk balik kampung !!! yeayyyyy ! *dancing dancing* hahaha .happy gler la .mcm tk percaya ble ckp dgn mak "mak nk balik kg jpe faiz .nk balik naik bus" pastu mak selamba je jwb "haa pergi la .nnt suruh ayah beli tiket" .hahahaha .tk expect lngsng mak kasi permission .rse mcm salah dgr pun ada .hahahahaha .okay tk sabar gler .ble ckp psal nk balik kg ni ,tetiba feeling excited gler tu menjelma tnpa dijemput .hahaha .

weekend ni nk pegi medical check up .and aku harap sgt yg time nk ambik darah nnt ,darah dlm badan ni senang sikit nk keluar .haihhhh .dah la part paling susah ble nk ambik darah .everytime nk ambik darah ,mst at least smpai 3 4 kali cucuk baru boleh .terseksa tau tak ?!!!!urghhh .trauma btol aku part ambik darah ni .dah la time denggi dulu ,habis lunyai dua2 belah tgn kne inject sbb nk ambik darah pnya pasal .sekali ambik darah 3 4 kali cucuk ,pastu sejam or dua jam sekali dia akan ambik darah nk cek .mmg 3 hari 2 malam aku terseksa ddk dkt hospital tu .haihhhh .