Bosantothemax

What to do .what to do .hmmm ,serious bosan la .tkde bnde lngsng nk buat .nk keluar pun tkde mood ,so ddk dlm bilik .TIDURRRRR !!Hahahahaahha .qada tido time final punya pasal ,satu hari ni aku tido je .terjaga pun sbb mior call kata nk jpe .kalau dia tk call ,mmg smpai malam kot aku tertido .hahahahhhaah .alarm ?hmm ,mmg saja tknk buat alarm .and nasib baik aku tk off phone je td ,kalau tk mmg tk terjaga lngsng .

Dr smlm serious tkde mood .spe punca ?hmm ,malas nk cter .tkde benefit pun kalau aku cter dkt sini .buat sakit hati je .i thought he was changed ,but ........dr dulu sama je .please la kalau kau tk suka ,jgn bg harapan .sorry not sorry ,im give up .malas .serious malas .im tired to fix it up .so just let it go .

Plan nk keluar sama then ble esok or lusa nk keluar tu ,tetiba cancel .kalau sekali dua kali tkpe la .blh la aku consider ada hal penting ke apa .ini tak .berkali-kali !!!spe je yg tk bengang mcm tu en .apa kau fikir aku ni anak patung ke weh ?!haih ,sabar hami sabar .byk kn istighfar .tkde effect kalau kau marah org yg tkde perasaan tu .hmmmm ..inhale exhale .fuhh fuhh ..

Sepatut nya hari ni aku pegi tikl sbb graduation day .dh janji pun dgn junior semua nk jpe .tp disebabkan DIA aku tkde mood langsung nk keluar .soooooo sorry wahai adik2 ,serious tkde niat pun nk cancel jpe korg hari ni .akak betul2 nk tgk korg naik pentas ,graduate .tpi kalau pegi time tkde mood ,bkn nya blh gelak2 pun .nnt muka ketat je ,and org lain plak yg terasa ,so better ddk je dlm bilik sensorg .haih .

Td time turun lunch ,terserempak dgn choin .seboleh2 nya aku buat2 tk nmpk ,tp memandang kn dia tegur dulu so aku pun okay jela nk tegur dia balik .ohh ,rupa nya dia balik rumah .then dtg sini balik hari rabu nnt utk muet .rabu ?aku pun pelik sbb dia kata dkt aku muet dia selasa ,then nk dtg rabu ?hmm ,mybe dia salah ckp or aku yg salah dgr kot .hahhaaha .rajin gler en ulang alik dtg UM ni .haish ,stay jela sini smpai muet habis .

Spe je tk sentap kalau tetiba unfollow dkt twitter and ble face to face pura2 buat baik .thats why la kalau blh mmg aku tknk jpe langsung dgn si choin tu .sbb tktau nk buat expression apa kalau jpe dia .tp dh dia yg tegur dulu ,tkkn la aku nk buat bodo je .pura2 buat tk dgr ?hmm ,tu bukan cara aku la .mcm bdk2 nk pura2 bagai .

Last dayyyyy sem 1 !!hikhok

Woahhhh ,dh lama nya tk tulis entry .hehehe .today is the last day for sem 1 in PASUM .wow ,dh habis pun sem 1 .cepat gler en masa berlalu .and today also last day final exam .serioustalk soalan final susah tahap 82846362939173746392027373637 ,sng cter tahap infiniti la .tutorial soalan lain ,tetiba keluar soalan dlm final yg tk prh bljr .perghh ,rasa mcm nk menjerit je dlm exam hall tu .ikut kn hati rasa mcm nk bangun then jerit kuat2 je ,tp ble fikir yg dlm exam hall tu ada semua bdk PASUM ,kalau aku buat keje gler tu ofcourse la malu gler ,so aku sabar kn jela hati .hahahahahahahah .

And one more thing ,aku tk suka tmpt aku dlm exam hall .time midsem ,aku ddk blkg .so aku bebas nk buat apa pun ,tkde spe nmpk .then time final ni tetiba kne ddk depan .nk gerak kn kerusi and nk tido pun rasa awkward gler .haish ,nk ddk blkg balik la !!urghhh .hmmm ,choin ddk blkg sekali .time final ni la aku baru nmpk dia .before ni langsung tk nmpk ,ingt kn dh disappeared dr PASUM ni .hahahahaha .maaf choin ,just kidding .before2 ni ada la jgk aku nmpk hazim ,zaid dkt cafe .yg dia ,langsung tk nmpk .hmmm ,biar la dkt dia .harap dia dh bahagia .

Hari tu ada nmpk satu gmba time dkt tikl dulu .ada gmba su .hmmmm ,sumpah tk tipu yg aku rindu gler dkt dia .dh la time tu stay up sorg2 ,tetiba teringat su .terus mood swing and satu apa pun yg aku study tk masuk lngsng .nk tegur ,tp awkward gler kot !!yes ,mmg la aku dh mntk maaf .tp cara dia layan aku after bnde tu jadi ,serious lain gler .hmm ,no comment la .biar kn jela ,aku pun tktau dh nk buat apa lg .but seriously i really miss her .kalau blh la ,one find day ,aku nk peluk su ,nk gelak sama2 ,nk cter semua bnde yg jd ,nk nangis2 dpn su .macam before ni dkt tikl .i wish and really hope its happen one find day .hmmm ...

Okay ,no more sedih2 .skrg ni cter pasal final plak .hahahhhha .tknk sedih tp cter psal final .lols, lagi la bertambah sedih .hmm ,aku tktau la pass ke tk masuk sem 2 .tk tau result mcm apa sbb jwb exam pun mcm tutttttttt .haih ,sedih and terkilan sbb tk mampu nk buat mak and ayah bangga dgn result exam mcm time sek dulu .hmmm ,mom dad i ask for your appologise .im soooooo sorry :( .

Hah ,aku dh okay dgn daus .hahahahaha .sejak ble la aku gaduh dgn dia ,yg tetiba dh okay .hmmm ,sumpah terserlah la kebengongan aku .hehehehe .mksud aku okay tu bkn la before ni kteorg gaduh .just okay je .hahahaha .apa aku mengarut ni woii ??hmm ,lantak la .harap korg yg baca ni faham la apa yg aku cuba smpai kn sbb aku pun tktau nk explain mcm mana .hohohoho .

But sometimes sumpah sentap dgn dia .aku wassep ,reply dh la lmbt ,pastu tetiba tk reply .tgk last seen lg menyakit kn hati .blh je wassep org lain,tp tk reply aku pnya wassep .huhh .seboleh2 nya aku sabar je sbb tknk rosak kn mood .haish ,bnde ni lg malas aku nk cter .k ,tukar topik .next ..

Hmmm .nk cter apa lg eh ?rasa mcm tkde bnde je dh nk tulis .k bye2 guys .nnt ada masa ,aku update la lg .heheheheeh .assalamualaikum .

I miss you suraya hamizan .

Esok raya haji ,so thats mean two more days for final exam !!! Omg omg ,so nervous la !okay ,tknk cter pasal final .aku update blog ni pun dgn niat nk lupa kn jap pasal final .stress gler la bljr last minute ni .drpd last week asyik main2 je ,study week aku dibazirkan dgn main2 !see ,salah diri sendiri kot .spe suruh en bazir masa .hah ,kn diri sndiri yg susah .haish..

Terkilan nya sbb bazir masa dgn buat bnde sia2 .main ,tidur ,online ,movie marathon ,runningman marathon .padahal dh berazam kot nk tebus balik apa aku dh buat time midsem dulu ,tp .........hmmmm , ==" .hami ,ni final hami .FINAL !!!! urghhhh .

Tapi aku lg terkilan and sedih ble fikir pasal suraya .spe je yg tk sedih ble bestfriend sndiri lupa kn kte en .yes i admit ,my fault .mula2 tu mmg la salah aku .tp aku dh say sorry and mengaku salah aku .and aku dh tk contact pun lelaki tu ,sumpah demi ALLAH ,aku tkde niat langsung nk ngorat lelaki yg su suka tu .tkde niat lngsng nk sakit kn hati su .

Ble aku sedar yg su marah aku ,terus aku tk cntact dh mamat tu .YA ALLAH ,su ..kte blh bersumpah yg kte tkde pape pun dgn dia .knp su buat kte mcm ni ?acah2 janji tknk lost contact ,tknk putus friendship no matter whats happen .but now ??spe yg lari kn diri dr spe ?kte okay je balas tweet su ,nk keluar dgn su .tp spe yg tk layan ?spe yg cancel last minute time lepak sama tu ?spe yg bg alasan mcm2 tknk lepak sama ?

Please la su .kte rindu gler nk keluar dgn su .nk sembang dgn su .nk gelak sama2 dgn su .nk baring2 sebelah su ,pastu cter mcm2 . :'( kte mengaku la yg kte awkward nk call su ,nk reply tweet su bagai .sbb kte tau yg su tkkn layan kte mcm dulu .well ,kte kenal la su mcm mana .and kte sedih ble su layan kte mcm kte tk prnh rapat lngsng !

Well ,nothing to do and to say anymore .sbb kte tau ,sekali su marah ,selama nya su marah .tk payah tipu kte .mmg la time kte call hari tu su kata tk marah kte .tp cara su layan tu ,semua org blh tau la .hmmm ,last word .i really love and miss my old bestfriend .im sorry for everything :((

Tikl ..miss the memories .

I miss my school life .hmmm .miss tikl .miss my friends ,miss my bestfriends ,miss buzanians ,miss dahlians ,miss my teachers and especially the environment .hmmm .tgh best2 focus study tetiba nmpk gmba tikl .terus mood down gler !rindu maryam ,my adik angkat .one and only my adik angkat . :((

Teringat yg dia prnh buat special card for me .and she put it in my diary .last day dia nk balik rumah tu ,aku tertidur .so tk sedar pun ble dia balik .sedih gler la sbb tk sempat say goodbye .lusa nya tu ,aku bkak diary ,kad tu jatuh .aww ,so sweet la dia .hehehe

Ble aku baca kad tu ,aku nangis kot .terharu sesangat sbb ada someone yg appreciate aku mcm tu .hmmmm .mar ,akak rindu mar .rindu nk lepak atas katil mar and dgr problem mar . :((

Mood dh down and swing ,so semua notes ,tuto aku campak tepi .tkde mood lngsng .and i tweet "really need someone to talk to" .and guess what ?daus terus wassep tnya okay ke tak .and akim wechat tnya knp .hmmm ,tiklians always make me feel secure and happy .diaorg caring gler !thanks a lot guys :)

Its been .......

Its been a long time i didnt update my blog .hmmm ,bcoz sooo many things happened and i dont know how to express it in the term of words .last night i just realized that he unfollow my twitter acc .wow ,hebat .thumbs up dude .aku pun tktau knp mesti nk unfollow ?then aku consider dia tk sengaja tertekan button unfollow tu .and aku pun secara tk sengaja nya tertekan jgk button unfollow acc dia . And now im officially already unfollowed him .well ,im glad by doing that .hahahahahahah lol .

Hmm ,biar la dekat dia .he just take me for his granted .time susah baru carik aku ,ble dh senang .buat org lain mcm sampah je .well done la bro ,aku nk tgk sejauh mana kau boleh hidup dgn perangai mcm tu .

Hah ,disebabkan dh lama tk update .last week ,my grandma was passed away .even aku tk rapat dgn arwah and arwah just nenek tiri .tapi ble mak call ckp nenek dh meninggal ,ofcourse la sedih .tetiba teringat time raya hari tu ,time arwah cium pipi aku .hmmmmmm ..ALLAH swt nk tarik nyawa kte bila2 masa je kan .spe sangka tu last time aku dapat jumpa arwah nenek .spe sangka tu last raya aku balik kg dapat jpe arwah .spe sangka tu last time aku beraya dkt rumah tu .hmmm .and spe tau maybe ni last time aku update blog .after ni dh tk sempat ke .who knows ?spe tau bila ajal maut kte en ?

Dah nk dekat final ni ,aku tgk semua org dh berubah .sejak dapat result midsem yg macam haremmm tu ,semua dh muhasabah diri .alhamdulillah .no more tiru2 tuto org lain .tuto semua buat sendiri .no more tidur time lect .and now ,aku nk skip lect pun rasa srba salah ya amat .hehehehe .alhamdulillah .even takut tk dapat cover semua bnde before final ni ,at least ada la effort nk belajar tu .ingat ,kte belajar sbb ALLAH ,bukan sebab nk pass final je .hohohoho .

:'( .hmmm

Result midsem dh dapat . :( ada fail !! Seumur hidup tk pernah fail ,tetiba dpt tau ada yg fail ,rse macam ........ useless . :'( jpe advisor time ambik result td ,advisor ckp "awak tk layak tau masuk UM" .sumpah sentap nk mampos la !dh la rasa teruk ,advisor cakap mcm tu lg .its make me feel horrible ,awful  :'(

Menyesal ke hami ,masuk asasi ni ?serioustalk ,rse menyesal gler .tersangat menyesal smpai tkde air mata dh mampu keluar .hmmm ...lg 3weeks nk final ,what i can do is cover all the chapter over and over again .haish .

Menyesal ...menyesal byk buang masa main2 .menyesal tk focus dlm lecture .menyesal skip lecture .menyesal tk buat tuto sndiri .menyesal asyik menyalin tuto org lain je .menyesal menyesal menyesal .tu je mampu aku cakap .

Tgk result org lain semua straight A .hmmm .teruk nya hami .teruk nya .lg tambah rasa teruk ble fikir mak and ayah .im sorry mom ,dad .really sorry , :'(( .sorry for making both of you dissappointed with me .im really sorry :( .

Mmg la mak and ayah tk prnh tunjuk pun yg diaorg sedih ke happy ke dgn result aku ,tapiiiii .......sumpah rasa bersalah .tetiba teringat reaction mak and ayah time dpt tau aku masuk UM .obviously yg diaorg happy gler ,especially ayah .YA ALLAH ,rasa teruk sangat .

Smile yet broken

Sometimes you have to pretend that you're okay
Because you don't want to put your emotions on display,
You distract yourself by reading a book or listening to a song
Because the words in them hit a hearts string and it best describes what you can't say
And sometimes you have to leave the past behind because those you confided in caused you pain
You start to wonder what if you're repeating the same mistake that you can't afford anymore heartache
So now it's up to you either to stay where you are or build up the walls
Because life is too short and it doesn't stop
So letsy yourdoubts go
-a spark of hope-

When did my feeling gets so deep
Why did they take that big long leap
Going from friend to crush
And i don't think he knows
I love how he looks and who he is
And how he makes me feel like this
I love how he's beautiful and smart with a heart so strong
Still he hasn't got a clue
I wonder if he cares that im moving on
I don't think he knew
And now he never will
-he will never know-

Im trying hard to refrain this feeling .pretending that i already forgot him .but nadzrin said ,pretending tends to hurt myself .but sokay .its better to hurt myself than live in the life full with hopes .

Not easy to build up the wall around your heart after you realize that you're fall hard with him .but at least im trying .yeah at least .hmm .make a friend with someone you love and have to pretend that you're nothing .it is not easy dude .*sigh